Words on Bathroom Walls

Julia Walton

Fiction | Novel | YA | Published in 2017

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Chapters 18-20Chapter Summaries & Analyses

Chapter 18 Summary

A few weeks have passed. Adam’s family went on vacation and celebrated the holidays. They return to the news that there was a school shooting in Connecticut. The shooter supposedly had some kind of mental illness, which makes Adam nervous. He believes it’s only a matter of time before people find out about him and shun him for being a potential threat.

At Adam’s school, everyone attends mass to pray for the victims. Afterwards, when Adam’s class discusses the incident, someone anonymously wonders why the shooter didn’t just kill himself rather than shooting children. The comment enrages Adam—he knows something that the speaker obviously doesn’t: Hallucinated voices are so insistent that it’s very hard to resist doing their bidding. People with schizophrenia experience the “mad desire to make the voices stop even if it means doing what they tell you to” (126).

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Adam leaves class understanding what people would really think of him if they knew about his illness. Later, Ian corners Adam in the bathroom and makes general statements about how all people with mental illnesses should be shot.

Chapter 19 Summary

Adam hurts his hand when he and Maya hang out in the library after school one day. While Maya is in the bathroom, Adam twirls his pen to shoo flies away. When he sees Ian watching, Adam realizes the flies aren’t real. He tries to look like nothing is going on, but suddenly has the urge to run. As he does, he trips and falls, scraping his hand against a bookcase and opening a wound in his palm. Maya drives him to the hospital. When she asks why he ran, Adam answers, “because I’m an idiot” (135). Adam’s mom and Paul meet them at the hospital where Adam gets stitches. At home, they discuss increasing Adam’s ToZaPrex dosage.

Adam finally opens up to his journal about his mother’s pregnancy. He’s fine with it and really just hasn’t had time to think about having a sibling yet. Right now, he hopes the kid “doesn’t mind that I’m messed up” (137).

Chapter 20 Summary

One night, Adam can’t sleep because it’s too crowded in his room with all his hallucinations. To get some quiet, he goes downstairs to bake, and ends up cooking all night. The next day, his mother and Paul don’t say anything, even though it’s clear Adam had a bad night. Adam stays home from school. His room is mostly empty now, and he falls asleep with Rebecca “curled up against my chest” (141).

Chapters 18-20 Analysis

The shooting shows the societal stigma against mental illness. By emphasizing that the shooter had a mental illness, and using this fact to explain the murderous actions, the news delivers the message that people with mental illnesses are dangerous. While mental illness does not excuse violence, Adam has a deeper understanding of how hallucinations might have impacted the gunman: The shooter likely was not a violent person and was simply desperate for relief from the oppressive thoughts overtook his mind. The response of Adam’s classmates demonstrates society’s fearful rejection of the mentally ill. Rather than sympathizing with people who often cannot control their disease, society simply wants the threat dealt with quickly.

The ToZaPrex begins to fail Adam. Before Chapter 17, Adam felt in control. Now, he once again struggles with separating reality from hallucination, and again starts responding to imagined voices and urges. Cooking, which once helped him stay centered, becomes an obsessive activity: He cooks all night because he feels uneasy, and cooking helps him not feel vulnerable. Instead of cooking out for pleasure, Adam cooks because he fears what will happen if he stops.