Words on Bathroom Walls

Julia Walton

Fiction | Novel | YA | Published in 2017

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Chapters 1-2Chapter Summaries & Analyses

Chapter 1 Summary

In August 2012, Adam writes his first journal entry for his ToZaPrex clinical trial. He is uninterested in therapy, but he does agree to write down his feelings in the journal to be read later. He believes the drug, not therapy, has the power to fix his illness, but he steers clear of discussing the drug too. He wants to treat the situation like he treats everything he wishes weren’t real: “like it doesn’t exist” (2).

Adam first started hallucinating when he was 12 years old. He kept it a secret from his mom for as long as he could, finally telling her when his school called home to report odd behavior. Afterwards, everything changed. Adam’s mother looked at him differently, and his stepfather Paul was suddenly afraid of him.

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Now, Adam is 16. In two weeks, he will start his junior year of high school at a new school, St. Agatha’s Catholic. The school’s administration knows about Adam’s illness and that they can’t discuss it with anyone. While Adam appreciates this, it doesn’t make the prospect of school much more appealing. Starting at a new school is hard enough, and making friends becomes more difficult “when people know you see things you shouldn’t be able to see” (6).

Chapter 2 Summary

Adam prepares for the school year, doing the required reading and summer assignments. In this journal entry, he describes his individual experience with schizophrenia. It has positive symptoms, which are things caused by the disease (like hallucinations), and negative symptoms, which are effects the disease has on mental processes (such as a lack of taking initiative). Adam emphasizes that positive and negative don’t mean “good” and “bad”—every aspect of the illness “basically all sucks” (7).

The purpose of Adam’s journal during the clinical trial of ToZaPrex is for the therapist to report any behavioral changes to clinical scientists. ToZaPrex comes with a lengthy list of side effects, which include an elevated white blood cell count, dizziness, and headaches. Adam has experienced a few side effects, mostly headaches.

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So far, ToZaPrex seems to be working. Adam notes he can tell the difference between what’s real and what isn’t, something he couldn’t do before. He knows now that Rebecca (a tall woman with long blonde hair) isn’t real. As hallucinations go, Rebecca is harmless, but Adam doesn’t like to think about the other people he sees because they disturb him. Most of his fear surrounding his hallucinations has lessened since he started taking ToZaPrex. He still sees things that aren’t there and consistently feels like someone’s watching him, but now when his mind starts conjuring images, he can “watch its projections like a movie” (10).

Chapters 1-2 Analysis

In these opening chapters, Walton introduces Adam, schizophrenia, and the alternately lighthearted and serious tone of the novel. Though much of the entries in Adam’s journal discuss details of his illness and the ToZaPrex trial, they are not the only concerns in Adam’s life. Like any teenager, he focuses on homework and wonders what the new school will be like. Rather than taking a back seat to his illness, these “normal” concerns occupy equal real estate in his mind, showing that mental illness is not an identity. Schizophrenia is only part of Adam, not who he is.

Schizophrenia is a complex illness that can take many forms; Walton sidesteps this by defining it only in terms of how Adam experiences it. This accomplishes two things. First, it establishes Adam as a person, rather than just an embodiment of illness. Giving him specific symptoms and a unique experience with those symptoms makes Adam feel like an individual. Second, describing the symptoms in Adam’s voice keeps the text from becoming overly complicated or clinical. The symptoms become part of his story, rather than reading like a textbook.

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These chapters also introduce the therapy portion of the ToZaPrex trial. Adam thinks his journal is to monitor changes in his behavior, but he isn’t yet aware that it will also be a form of therapy to help him work through his feelings. Adam’s dismissal of therapy sets him up to learn that the drugs can only do so much and that only he can “fix” himself—one of the book’s major themes.