In Memoriam

At his home, Gaunt wonders if Ellwood still cares for him. More than his wounds, Gaunt is “frightened” at the “blankness” in his other eye—his mind damaged by the war (328). He searches for books, classical Greek, to take with him when he accompanies Ellwood home.

Maud comes into the study and interrupts Gaunt’s thoughts. She tells him that she isn’t going to marry Ellwood. When Gaunt tells her that he doesn’t care, she repeats herself—insisting that she finally understands why Gaunt has so much “hate” for her. She tells him that she knows Gaunt loves Ellwood and insists that she doesn’t care who he loves. Gaunt compares her words to those of Devi and Pritchard, who were so accepting of his sexuality. He assures her that he only hid his feelings out of fear, not sure how she felt about Ellwood or how she would react.

Gaunt spends the weekend at home. He realizes that his parents are “utterly broken” (333), with his mother constantly drinking and his father always working at the bank. They try to convince Maud to stop working at the hospital and not to go to university, but Gaunt speaks with them both to try to help Maud.

At Ellwood’s home, Gaunt is unsure of how to act, seeing how angry Ellwood still looks. He does his best to be polite and courteous with Ellwood’s mother. However, during dinner, when his mother mentions the “companionship” of the front line, Ellwood angrily smashes his wine glass against the wall and leaves. Gaunt stays behind and comforts his mother, insistent that Ellwood’s anger is an effect of the war and not how he truly feels.

Gaunt finds Ellwood outside. He tries to tell Ellwood how difficult things are for his mother, but Ellwood insists that her situation cannot compare to what they’ve been through. Ellwood asks Gaunt how he seems so normal, and Gaunt assures him that he is not but is happy to see Ellwood. Gaunt asks if there is a Tennyson poem for them, but Ellwood expresses his disgust at Tennyson and other British poets who knew nothing of war. The two then stand together in silence as the sun sets.

When they return to the house, Gaunt goes to Ellwood’s bedroom instead of his own. He undresses Ellwood and kisses him, careful to avoid his bandages. Ellwood wants to undress Gaunt, but Gaunt is hesitant because of the scars on his chest from his wound. However, Ellwood insists, taking him to the bed and removing his shirt. He kisses Gaunt’s chest, despite the pain it causes his head. He is unable to focus, however, having flashing images of events from the war. Gaunt stops him, noting that Ellwood is not aroused. Ellwood dismisses him and continues.

Gaunt pulls Ellwood up to lie beside him in the bed. Gaunt tells Ellwood that he loves him and then waits for some sort of reaction from Ellwood. Instead, Ellwood finds himself overcome by anger and feels a “helpless paralysis” (339). He feels Gaunt roll over; once he falls asleep, Ellwood goes and walks through the halls of the house for the rest of the night.

The next day, Ellwood is annoyed at how nice Gaunt continues to be. He angrily goes out riding alone and ends up getting drunk in a pub and falling asleep that night at the dinner table. Neither Gaunt nor his mother mentions it, and Ellwood returns to the stables the next day with the same plan. However, Gaunt meets him at the stables. He apologizes for telling Ellwood that he loved him. Ellwood responds with anger, feeling as though he hates every part of Gaunt. He tells Gaunt that he never had any friends and never loved anyone in his life. Instead of getting angry, Gaunt replies simply that Ellwood is wrong and returns to the house.

Ellwood goes to the bathroom, fully clothed, and drinks in the bathtub. Gaunt finds him there, with his bandages removed from his head, picking at his wounds. Ellwood scrambles to cover his bandages, but Gaunt sits in the bathtub with him, leaning back against Ellwood’s chest. He brings up the time they spent in the bathtub at Preshute together, admitting to Ellwood that he almost kissed him that day. He turns around and faces Ellwood, taking off his bandages. He touches Ellwood’s scars and then kisses them. 

They sit in silence for a while, and then Ellwood apologizes for what he said at the stables. Gaunt responds that it doesn’t matter whether Ellwood loves him back or not. Ellwood thinks that there are probably poetry lines to describe the moment, but his mind cannot come up with any.

In the days when Gaunt stays with Ellwood, Ellwood’s mood changes constantly. Some days he is quiet, other days he talks incessantly, and there are days when Gaunt never sees him. One day, he speaks throughout breakfast about his poems. He admits that none of them that are getting published are any good, but all the public cares about is the gore. As he discusses the gore in detail, Gaunt can see the impact that it is having on his mother, who silently cries. He grows angry with Ellwood, insisting that he stop. Ellwood angrily leaves for the rest of the day.

That night, Ellwood goes to Gaunt’s room and wakes him up. Ellwood kisses Gaunt and undresses him, and Gaunt realizes that Ellwood is aroused for the first time. They have sex with each other in silence. Afterward, Ellwood lies in Gaunt’s arms. Gaunt tells him that he should apologize to his mother, and Ellwood admits how much anger he holds toward her. Gaunt kisses him and tells him that the war is not her fault. Ellwood then admits how “filthy” he feels for not fighting in the war anymore, and Gaunt agrees.

On August 15, 1916, Roseveare writes Ellwood a letter telling him that he has healed and is going to return to the front. He tells him that he is visiting Preshute and that he and Gaunt should meet him there.

That Saturday, Ellwood and Gaunt take the train to Preshute. On the way, Ellwood is overcome with fear, as he imagines the train crashing and all the ways that he could die. He asks Gaunt to stop the train so that they can get off. Instead, Gaunt puts his arm around Ellwood. Ellwood initially protests because of all the people around, but Gaunt comments that Ellwood “could probably fuck [him] right now and they’d call it front-line camaraderie” (348). Ellwood is overcome with laughter, unable to control himself. As the ride continues, Gaunt holds him and recites Greek into his ear, calming Ellwood.

At Preshute, the boys walk through the cemetery. School is out, so none of the students are there. They consider going to see the headmaster. Instead, they decide to go into town for tea.

At the tearoom, Ellwood and Roseveare discuss what happened to their classmates in the war, while Gaunt is mostly silent. However, when Roseveare mentions an Indian boy who tried to escape dozens of times, Gaunt realizes that he is talking about Devi and demands more information. Roseveare tells him that Devi was caught at the border pretending to be a Turkish man and was returned to another prisoner camp. Gaunt is ecstatic to know that Devi is still alive.

Roseveare then tells Gaunt and Ellwood that his father is looking for men to work at the embassy in Brazil. He wrote to his father and suggested that Gaunt and Ellwood be sent there. Gaunt realizes what Roseveare is suggesting: that in Brazil, the two could be together, as Brazil is much more open about LGBTQ+ relationships. Ellwood catches on to Roseveare’s meaning shortly after and thanks him profusely, and Roseveare insists that it’s nothing to help.

Over time, Ellwood realizes how much he hates England. He grows to hate the men in the pub who talk about the war, England’s pride in their poetry—which he notes is a poor form of art because it is only for English speakers—and even the weather and landscape. He removes the bandages from his face, determined to let people stare and talk about him, adding to his hate for England before he leaves it forever. He agrees to go to France to help train soldiers in bayonet use.

On the train, Gaunt realizes that Ellwood is beginning to panic, and he pulls him close. He begins to discuss Pericles, distracting Ellwood. As Ellwood looks around the car, he sees several women avert their eyes from his disfigurement. He compares the anger he feels for them to how he felt when he was given the feather just before joining the war.

Gaunt stares at Ellwood as he looks out the window. He realizes that his scars are what saved Ellwood’s life by getting him out of the war, and, for that, he considers them beautiful.

At the station, Ellwood and Gaunt say goodbye. Since they are in public, they touch little, but Gaunt tells Ellwood that he is “not just passing the time” (359), insisting that he truly loves him. Ellwood asks him to go to Brazil, and Gaunt promises that he will. However, he wonders if Ellwood will ever learn to put aside his anger again.

Gaunt visits Hayes in the hospital. He had one of his legs amputated and his hip was shattered, so he will never walk again. Gaunt offers him a job working at his father’s bank.

Back at home, Gaunt prepares to go to Yorkshire to train soldiers. He sits with Maud up in their attic where they won’t be overheard as they look at their old toys from childhood. He tells Maud about Brazil. Maud is encouraging, but Gaunt wonders if Ellwood is just “playing the same games he always did” and will move on (362).

Two days later, however, Gaunt receives a letter from Ellwood in France. He writes just one line: “I’m not playing, either” (363).

Two years later, on November 11, 1918, the Evening Standard publishes the war’s end. It announces the armistice, the evacuation of soldiers, and the repatriation of prisoners.

In December 1918, Gaunt and Ellwood arrive in Rio de Janeiro. They spend the next few weeks—after two years apart—working at the embassy. Roseveare’s uncle implies that he knows about their relationship, telling them that the staff is “discreet.” They spend much of their time going to social gatherings, which Ellwood excels at, while Gaunt does much of the embassy’s paperwork. After receiving many compliments on his published poetry, Ellwood tentatively begins to write again. However, Gaunt and Ellwood are hesitant with each other, having sex but never looking in each other’s eyes and never “talk[ing] about important things” (366).

One evening, Ellwood receives a letter from home telling him that his mother has died. He puts the letter aside without saying anything and then prepares to go out. Gaunt tries to talk to him, calling him “Elly,” and Ellwood grows angry, asking why Gaunt never calls him “Sidney.” Gaunt admits that he never wanted to use the name until he was certain that he could “keep” him. Ellwood continues to get ready, so Gaunt tells him that they can skip dinner. Ellwood gets even angrier, lashing out at Gaunt while he thinks of how coldly he had treated his mother the last time he saw her.

Gaunt stops Ellwood, grabbing him by the waist and pulling him close. He puts his hands under the mask that Ellwood has started wearing, feeling his face as he puts their foreheads together, and then calls him Sidney. He tells him that “this means [he’s] keeping [him],” with his “voice fierce with warning. As if it [i]sn’t exactly what Ellwood want[s] to hear” (367). As Gaunt holds him, Ellwood wishes that he could cry but has not been able to in years. He struggles to breathe, thinking about his mother, as he hears Gaunt saying his name over and over.

Over the next several months, Gaunt and Ellwood’s relationship improves. Ellwood is angry much less often, and when the two do fight, they only do so briefly. Ellwood writes but still never quotes poetry like he used to.

As they lie in bed in April 1919, Gaunt gets a letter from Maud. She tells him about going to school in Berlin. She is working with the Scientific-Humanitarian Committee, the central goal of which is to abolish laws making LGBTQ+ relationships a crime. She tells Gaunt that there is hope for change and begs him to come back to Europe. Gaunt considers it, thinking about how much he misses England.

When Ellwood asks about Maud, Gaunt shows him the letter. Ellwood tells him that he could go, commenting that Ellwood always does whatever Gaunt tells him to do. However, he then asks if Gaunt would do the same—if he would stay in Brazil just because Ellwood asked him to. Gaunt hesitates and then tells Ellwood that he would stay in Brazil for him, kissing the scar over Ellwood’s missing eye. He sees Ellwood smile in a way that is “so simple and happy it ma[kes] him look his age—only twenty-one” (373).

Gaunt tells Ellwood that he loves him. Ellwood hesitates, and Gaunt assures him that it is okay. He thinks about how he came to terms long ago with the idea of Ellwood never being able to love him again after what he had been through. Ellwood hesitates and then quotes Shakespeare’s King Lear: “I cannot heave my heart into my mouth” (373). Gaunt pulls Ellwood to him, kissing the top of his head and feeling overjoyed at the hope he feels.