If I Was Your Girl

Amanda thinks back to a moment, shortly after she started taking hormones, when her mother cheered her up by giving her a makeover.

On the night of homecoming, Amanda’s dad shows support by telling her to enjoy herself and that she looks beautiful. At school, she goes to the bathroom and finds Bee. Bee tries to kiss her and reveals that she has feelings for her, but Amanda pushes her away and reminds her that she doesn’t like girls like that.

Later in the gym, Amanda is crowned homecoming queen, but Bee comes onto the stage and starts telling everyone’s secrets into the microphone. She tells everyone that Amanda used to be a boy. Grant asks her if it’s true, and Amanda runs away.

Grant catches up to her, and she tries to explain. He wonders if his feelings for her “make him gay” (225), and she feels insulted and runs out of the gym. 

She walks along the side of the road to get away when Parker pulls up next to her. He tries to force her into his car, but she runs into the woods. He follows her and tries to force himself on her: “the sensation of his huge hands pulling up the hem of my skirt brought me just far enough from my stupor to act” (231). She gets away for a moment before being knocked down again. Just when he spreads her legs apart, Chloe shows up behind him with a gun. 

Amanda is in Layla’s car with the other girls on her way home. She apologizes for being a “freak” (235), but they reassure her that she’s not. They still want to be her friend. 

Amanda’s dad rushes over to Grant’s house after seeing Amanda’s state when she arrives home. He threatens Grant, but Grant’s mom threatens him with a gun. He tells Amanda that he’s done “watching you destroy yourself” (240) and that she needs to live with her mother again.

Amanda thinks back to the time she tried to commit suicide. She took her mother’s pain pills and read a book that described puberty, and as the pills took effect, she was thankful that her body wouldn’t betray her by turning her into a man.

Amanda takes a bus back to her mother’s house. Virginia is there to greet her when she arrives.

Amanda’s dad unexpectedly arrives for Thanksgiving dinner at her mom’s house. They play ball, and her dad apologizes for the past things he said. When they’re done, Amanda says, “Bye, Andrew” (258), and her dad says bye to his son. 

Amanda thinks back to when she first talked to the doctor about taking hormone replacement therapy. He said that she would become sterile and grow breasts, and she was happy with that and thought about “how good life could be every now and then” (263).

Amanda goes back to Lambertville to live with her dad again. She goes back to the high school and feels welcomed back by her friends and peers. She meets up with Grant, and after school, they go to the tree house. He invites her to tell him the truth about her past.