Enough

“I had only seen police officers around Pennington before, and Dad would bristle when they encroached on our space. Other than the few New Jersey state troopers who Dad was friends with, Dad frequently reminded me that I should never trust anyone with a government badge.”

Hutchinson recalls how her father taught her to be distrustful of the government and anyone who worked for the government in any capacity. However, Hutchinson admired her Uncle Joe for serving in the military and immediately connected with him. This quotation helps the reader understand the different political influences that Hutchinson was exposed to as a child. This also foreshadows the tension between Hutchinson and her father as the memoir recounts her experiences as a government employee.

“At the very bottom of the package was a long, flat box with my name on it. I ripped off the duct tape that sealed the box shut and found an American flag in the traditional trifold. In a note, Uncle Joe had explained that he had saluted the flag every morning and had sent it all the way from Afghanistan just for me. I had never received such a meaningful gift before. Mom helped me thumbtack the flag above my bed so that it was the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes every morning, and the last thing I saw before I closed my eyes at night.”

Hutchinson recalls receiving an American flag from her Uncle Joe while he was stationed in Afghanistan. This gift resonated with Hutchinson’s growing patriotism and her close connection with her uncle. This anecdote helps the author develop her theme about service and love of country, which became an important part of her upbringing and informed her desire to enter politics.

“Dad boasted about Donald Trump’s accomplishments—he was a warrior, just like us, and he had built a global multibillion-dollar business from the ground up. Dad fixated so much on Donald Trump. I wished he would pay attention to us like he did to The Apprentice. When I told Dad this, his dinner fork clamored across his plate and he said that Donald Trump was teaching him to become a better businessman so he did not have to work as much. The other option, Dad said, was that he could stop working altogether. Dad didn’t think his family would like how suffering felt, and since he worked so hard, we had no idea what it meant to suffer.”

Hutchinson considers how Donald Trump’s rise to reality stardom coincided with her father’s change in personality and emotional neglect of the family. This passage foreshadows Hutchinson’s future working relationship with Donald Trump and acknowledges the perception that he was an excellent businessman and a role model for entrepreneurs. By connecting her father’s idolization of Donald Trump with his insensitivity toward her, Hutchinson criticizes her dad’s behavior while also hinting that Trump especially appealed to men like her dad, who strongly identify with a “warrior” machismo and as entrepreneurs and financial providers.

“Despite my family never speaking much about politics and the fact that I was still too young to vote, I took it upon myself to study both parties’ platforms and the nominees for president, and watched the presidential debates. Assigned to watch the debate between Republican candidate Mitt Romney and President Barack Obama for school, I turned the project into a case study of both candidates.”

Hutchinson relays how her interest in politics burgeoned while in high school, despite her family’s tendency to eschew political conversations. Hutchinson chooses to not reveal the qualities or policies that made the Republican party appeal to her; she only notes that she found herself “relating” more to the party as a whole. This passage highlights Hutchinson’s intellectual interest in politics—she establishes herself as an informed voter—and how it made her a black sheep in her family. At the same time, her exact opinions and motivations remain an enigma.

“Since Mark and the president were close, no one in OLA, including me, had much of a relationship with him. Mark also had a reputation for preferring to work directly with Trump, circumventing our office. ‘He’ll never work with us,’ Ben told me, ‘and it’s useless trying to read him. He’s a solo operator.’ But that one word, ‘operator,’ gave me enough of a reason to try to establish a relationship with him.”

Hutchinson describes her strategic decision to become close to Mark Meadows, whom she knew had an influence on the president. Meadows was receptive to Hutchinson’s overtures of friendship, and soon, the two were sharing information and helping each other in their roles. This quotation reveals how Hutchinson was keenly aware of who could help her in her role and how her strategic relationships helped her to move up the ranks.

“I doubt any politician could have led the country through the deadliest pandemic in a hundred years without making errors of judgment and execution.

But of all the people in the world, President Trump was uniquely unsuited to   the challenge. He lacked empathy and was stubborn and impatient. For all but the MAGA base, his aggressive personality made his leadership appear more erratic than inspirational.”

Hutchinson posits that Trump’s personality and values made him a poor leader during the unexpected COVID-19 pandemic. While his more dedicated supporters admired his “aggressive” personality, Hutchinson feels that most Americans found his demeanor and approach to leadership off-putting. This quotation demonstrates Hutchinson’s personal view of Trump, though does not reveal whether she felt this way while working for him or if she came to this opinion in hindsight.

“If Trump won in November, I figured Mark would probably stay on as chief of staff for six to eight months to set up the second-term administration, and then leave while he was still in Trump’s good graces. If I lasted that long, I could ask Mark to place me somewhere else internally, ideally in a more senior OLA position. I thought I could help Mark transition from ultra-conservative rabble rouser—his profile then—to statesman.”

Hutchinson explains the reasoning behind her decision to accept a new position as an aide to Mark Meadows, who had recently been made chief of staff. Hutchinson’s private goals reveal a mix of personal ambition and genuine interest in service; she also presents herself as a positive and moderating influence on some of the more extreme characters in the Trump administration. This quotation helps the reader understand Hutchinson’s self-image as a moderate, modern conservative, though she does not provide many details on how she deviates from Meadows’s perspective.

“Before we left Camp David that morning, Mark pulled me aside to compliment me for ‘cozying up to Kevin,’ which he thought would prove useful to the White House. He seemed to believe that there was some acting on my part, but I genuinely enjoyed Kevin’s company, and valued our growing friendship. I did not realize then that I would be caught up in one of the most complicated three-way relationships in contemporary Republican politics.”

Hutchinson emphasizes the growing rift between Kevin McCarthy and Mark Meadows, which was later worsened by Meadows’s betrayal of McCarthy. This passage shows how Hutchinson’s allegiance slowly shifted from Meadows to McCarthy, whose company she enjoyed and whom she ultimately decided was more trustworthy than Meadows. This quote also suggests that within the Trump administration, the various players were trying to use each other to gain access and status. The term “three-way relationship,” typically used for sexual or romantic entanglements, heightens the drama in this dynamic.

“I leaned on Speaker Pelosi’s chief of staff during these negotiations. She knew I was in over my head, but she respected the authority Mark had conferred on me and appreciated my professionalism.”

Hutchinson recalls her stressful experience trying to prepare Mark Meadows for the negotiations over the COVID-19 relief bill. Her acknowledgment that she was “in over [her] head,” shows self-awareness about her limitations as an inexperienced aide in her mid-twenties. The author’s gratefulness to Speaker Pelosi’s chief of staff also demonstrates her ability to cooperate with others and her tendency toward a bipartisan approach to her work. This reinforces her self-characterization as a moderate and collaborative conservative.

“‘Would you take a bullet for him?’ Mark asked. My head snapped towards him in surprise, but his eyes were fixed on the stage. I tried to make it a joke. It was the only thing I could think of on the spot. ‘Yeah, sure, but could it be to the leg?’”

Hutchinson recalls Mark Meadows’s alarming question and her uncertainty about how to respond. Since Meadows always emphasized loyalty and praised Hutchinson’s devotion to him, she felt pressured to agree that she would die for the president. This quotation demonstrates how Hutchinson felt that Meadows was trying to manipulate her into completely dedicating herself to Trump’s reelection and not questioning his or the president’s opinions. This quote also highlights the administration’s prioritization of Trump as a figurehead over the well-being of others.

“His strength would make a better impression if he had expressed empathy for his fellow COVID sufferers, if he had listened to his doctors and not put others’ health at risk when they had transported him when he was sick. I began to understand just how much appearing strong—or not appearing weak—motivated the president, and it worried me.”

Hutchinson recalls how she disagreed with the administration’s handling of President Trump’s COVID diagnosis. The author’s explanation that Trump chose to leave the hospital against his doctor’s advice while still showing symptoms demonstrates his desire to project an image of strength, even while risking others’ health in the process. This quotation reveals yet another incident in which Hutchinson felt pressured to agree with her colleagues while privately feeling concerned and offended by Trump’s decision.

“I didn’t think there was anything wrong or unjustified about challenging the results of an election when the counts were within the margin of error. Every person who runs for office has the right to do that. It didn’t bother me that the president was exhausting every option before conceding he lost the election…But the erratic, to say the least, performances of the campaign’s lawyers and the rhetoric from some of the president’s surrogates were starting to worry me.”

Hutchinson reveals her growing concern after Trump lost the 2020 election to Joe Biden. In this quotation, she explains her nuanced stance on the matter, noting that it was not the idea of a recount that bothered her but the “rhetoric” from Trump’s team. This passage shows that Hutchinson still had a high tolerance for the Trump campaign’s opinions and tactics but also foreshadows her future break from her colleagues. Referencing election law—the rules around recounts—also reinforces the idea that Hutchinson is moderate and rational, in contrast to her colleagues.

“The president pushed back. ‘I don’t want people to know we lost, Mark. This is embarrassing,’ he said…I was irritated that Mark gave the president false hope. Of course, that’s what the president wanted to hear, but he was damaging the country by concocting false rationales for perpetuating a fight that was now certainly a lost cause. It was also upsetting to witness the president so distraught. He looked run-down, defeated, almost frightened, like a hollowed version of himself.”

Hutchinson recalls her disappointment in Mark Meadows encouraging President Trump to continue fighting the election results. This passage shows that President Trump acknowledged that he lost the election but still wanted the results overturned because he prioritized his image over the nation’s well-being. It also highlights Hutchinson’s growing rift with Meadows.

“I understood why she was worried. The news networks were warning that the crowds on January 6th were expected to be large and militant. She kept texting and begging me not to go to work that day, and I kept brushing off her concerns. But her fear gave me pause. Why is she so scared? Should I be more scared than I am?”

Hutchinson’s contrast of her mother’s prediction about January 6 with her own shows how she tended to deny opinions that were critical of the Trump administration. This passage suggests that by being a central part of the administration for so long, Hutchinson’s perspective was tainted by bias since her mother had a more realistic understanding of the political climate. Hutchinson’s thoughts show that even as more doubts arose, she continued to ignore them and behave indecisively and passively.

“He proceeds to describe an ‘irate’ Trump demanding to be taken to the Capitol, and losing all self-control when Bobby repeatedly rebuffs him with ‘Mr. President, we’re returning to the West Wing.’ I feel my breath grow shallow as Tony describes Trump grabbing for the steering wheel, and then for Bobby’s neck. I don’t know what to do.”

Hutchinson recalls her shock at a security agent’s report of the president’s actions during the January 6 riots, in which his supporters invaded the Capitol building. This passage highlights Trump’s aggressive behavior and enthusiasm for his supporters’ illegal actions. Hutchinson presents herself as shocked and confused by the violence and mayhem, emphasizing that she did not expect the rally to become an attempted coup.

“I’m struggling to process what’s happening as Mark, Pat Cipillone, Pat Philbin, and Eric Herschmann stumble back into the office. I overhear their conversation and suddenly everything makes sense. They’re calling for the Vice President to be hanged. The President is ok with it. He doesn’t want to do anything. He doesn’t think they’re doing anything wrong. He thinks Mike is a traitor. This is crazy. We need to be doing something more.”

Hutchinson recalls her shock at Trump’s reaction to his supporters' desire to hang the vice president, explaining that this revelation prompted her to consider that the riots could lead to a coup. Hutchinson’s portrayal of her thoughts in choppy, rapid-fire italics shows how she struggled to make sense of what was unfolding around her in the chaotic White House environment. In this passage, the author claims that she felt that President Trump and his supporters were acting “crazy” and tried to diffuse the situation.

“‘Do you think yesterday was antifa?’ ‘No.’ My eyes narrowed. ‘I don’t think yesterday was antifa.’ The clock mounted above his door ticked in response.”

Hutchinson relays how Mark Meadows claimed that he believed that anti-fascist (Antifa) protestors were responsible for the January 6 riots. This quotation reveals that Trump’s staff pressured Hutchinson to accept conspiracy theories rather than acknowledge that Trump’s supporters carried out the violence. This passage raises the question of what Mark Meadows truly believed about January 6 and asserts that Hutchinson never believed conspiracy theories about the events.

“The magnitude of January 6th, the damage of Trump’s election denial, and the toll that the stress had taken on me would hit me full force. I’d feel guilt for having played a role in the chain of bad decisions that led to January 6th. I wasn’t to blame for it. But I had been there, and hadn’t done enough to stop it.”

Hutchinson reveals that as she had time to reflect on the chaotic events of her final days in the Trump administration, she felt distressed by the role she played in supporting Trump’s leadership and failing to stop the violence on January 6. By taking time away from work, the author was able to gain a new perspective on Trump and her colleagues, as well as her involvement in the administration. This passage gives the reader more context for how Hutchinson came to change her mind about protecting Trump and testify before the January 6 Committee.

“I had never felt like more of an imposter than when I walked into the first few law firms that I visited. Alone on my side of the conference table, I tried to imitate the elegant decorum of the lawyers and their associates who stared at me as I tried to make sense of a situation that hardly made sense to me…I would have retained many attorneys on the spot had money not been a factor.”

After learning that she would be subpoenaed by the January 6 Committee, a nervous Hutchinson had to seek legal representation. This was a challenge since she could not afford to pay a lawyer. These revelations provide a glimpse into the author’s private world and the pressures she faced. By discussing this aspect of her job’s aftermath, Hutchinson shows how financial pressures almost caused her to accept funding and legal representation from the Trump “family.” By emphasizing her youth and inexperience—a juxtaposition with her high-profile job as a Trump aide—Hutchinson is building pathos, characterizing herself as a more sympathetic underdog.

“We were to downplay my role, he explained, as strictly administrative. I was an assistant, nothing more. The committee was dragging me into things I probably knew little about. I should not emphasize my access or volunteer anything I was not directly asked, nor should I try to refresh my memory. ‘The less you remember, the better,’ he advised, and added, ‘Is there anything you’re worried they’ll ask you?’”

Hutchinson’s first lawyer encouraged her to reveal little to the committee and not remember much about her experiences in the Trump administration or the events of January 6. This passage reveals the defensive and avoidant approach that Hutchinson first embraced before she realized that she could not live with her guilty conscience. This quotation helps the reader understand that Hutchinson could have violated her principles and followed this advice—and suffered fewer personal consequences as a result.

“I read through the pages from the beginning, once, twice, and again. I opened my blinds for the first time in months and looked at my partial view of the Capitol, not much more than a bit of the top of the Statue of Freedom on the dome. I felt overcome by the thought that I had become someone I didn’t expect or want to be. There’s more to this story than what’s contained in these pages. I withheld information from the committee. I protected principals, not my principles. Is it too late to fix it?”

Hutchinson reflected on her decision to withhold information from the January 6th Committee and realized that she had not been true to her own values. By articulating her thoughts, Hutchinson continues to foster an intimate, personal tone that builds pathos. This passage provides more explanation as to why Hutchinson gave a live testimony in front of the January 6 Committee.

“Stefan was in a hole that he had dug for himself. But Trump had handed him the shovel. They owned Stefan—he had no way out. That could have been me.”

Hutchinson portrays the high personal stakes in navigating the legal process and her testimony. In reflecting on how different professionals, such as her first lawyer, Stefan Passantino, relied on Trump to sustain their careers, Hutchinson concludes that they are “owned” by him. This quote helps Hutchinson build her argument that the legal proceedings around January 6 were influenced by Trump’s wealth and power since many people’s actions were informed by their desire to stay on his good side.

“I regretted the belligerence and crudity of some of the president’s messaging, the inappropriate, unpresidential tweets. But you can become inured to it, and I did. I often laughed with colleagues at his communications, when I should have seen them for what they were—mean-spirited…My view of Trump would change as I witnessed his selfish recklessness threatening the country’s constitutional order.”

With distance and hindsight, the author regrets that Trump’s “inappropriate” behavior became normalized to her and her colleagues. Her tolerance for Trump’s erratic leadership may make her perspective difficult for many readers to understand, and she tries to counter this by noting that his desire to discredit the election results and disrupt the peaceful transfer of power was her personal tipping point. This quotation encourages the reader to consider how power, competition, and loyalty informed people’s behavior and the different reactions to Trump’s actions within his administration.