A Wizard's Guide to Defensive Baking

Mona stares at the poster, which is printed with an illustration of her own face and the word “WANTED” (115) in big letters. Spindle, who cannot read, asks her what it says, and she explains that she is being accused of murder and treason. Spindle is unsurprised. Guards are posted everywhere, including Aunt Tabitha’s bakery.

Spindle pulls more posters out of his coat. One explains that a curfew has been put in place. Another warns of spies and “wizard traitors” in the city “giving comfort to the enemy” (119), tells people to be suspicious of their neighbors, and offers a reward for any tips that lead to an arrest. The poster is unclear who the enemy is, but Mona assumes it means the Carex. Both children realize that people will be turning on each other for the reward. Mona notices that every new decree comes by order of Inquisitor Oberon. The last poster announces that any citizen with magical talents must register with the government Loyalty Board.

Mona scoffs, believing that such a declaration will make the whole city angry. Spindle reluctantly admits that many people seem to agree with the statement because they never entirely liked or trusted those with magic anyway. Meanwhile, most of those with magic abilities have either disappeared, been killed, or left the city for their own safety. Mona is depressed and angry. She deduces that Oberon has ordered the registry so that he can find out where every wizard lives, making it easier for the Spring Green Man to kill them all.

Mona is restless in the belltower that night, worrying about Oberon and the Spring Green Man. She tries to distract herself while her gingerbread man stands sentry at the window. As she paces the room, she thinks through everything she has learned. Oberon is trying to get rid of every magical person in the city, by either chasing them out or killing them. She thinks briefly about leaving the city like others have but does not believe she could survive on the road by herself. Besides, many other city-states also hate wizards. Her next option is to try stopping Oberon and the Spring Green Man herself, but she cannot imagine how.

Finally, she cannot stay in the belltower any longer. She sneaks down the stairs to the chapel below, believing it will be empty late at night. To her surprise, the old priest is there. He invites her to sit with him and tell him about her troubles. He adds that he is very deaf, so anything she says will be safe anyway. Without understanding anything Mona says, the priest suggests that she should “appeal to a higher power” (130). Mona has the sudden thought to sneak into the palace to tell the Duchess about Oberon’s plot to kill wizards and her fears that it may be leading to a larger plot to overthrow the government.

The next day, Mona tells Spindle she wants to break into the palace. He is incredulous at first, then promises to think about it and see what he can do. Five nights later, Mona finds herself climbing up the Duchess’s toilet.

Wealthy people do not have chamber pots but something called a garderobe, which is a “closet with a hole in the floor that drops straight down a couple of stories into a cesspit” (134). It is someone’s job to clean out the cesspit once a week. Spindle sneaks into the palace walls disguised as an ash-sweeper, steals the key to the cesspit, copies it, and returns it before anyone notices. Spindle’s plan is that they will sneak into the palace in the evening. Mona will dress as a maid and work in the kitchens. Then, at night, they will use the copied key to get into the bottom of the garderobe and climb it into the Duchess’s bedchambers. The day before they enact their plan, Mona paces the belltower and practices her speech to the Duchess, fearing the Duchess will have her arrested. At last, they walk to the palace, hiding from constables along the way.

As planned, they sneak into the palace and Mona goes to the kitchens. She says she is new, and no one questions her. Eventually, the kitchen staff go home for the night and Mona sneaks away to meet Spindle, who is again disguised as an ash-sweeper.

They get into the bottom of the garderobe easily, where Spindle points out a series of evenly spaced spikes meant to keep adults from climbing up. They are small enough for children to get past if they are careful. Together, they climb the walls of the garderobe up three stories through disgusting slime, moss, and “stuff” (144). Finally, they reach the top, and Spindle climbs from the toilet seat. Unfortunately, Mona gets stuck right at the end of the climb.

As Spindle tries to pull her out, the Duchess opens the door and freezes. Thankfully, she does not scream. Frantically, Mona tries to explain why they are there. When she says that Oberon may be attempting to overthrow the government, the Duchess shocks Mona by saying she knows already and bursts into tears.

Spindle, remaining unfazed, asks the Duchess to help pull Mona out of the toilet. Together they get Mona loose. The Duchess gives Mona a towel to clean off with and then allows the children a moment to wash in her bathroom. That complete, they return to the topic at hand. The Duchess admits that she knows Oberon is a traitor though she did not know about the registry or the Spring Green Man killing wizards. She explains that, despite appearances, she has little power, particularly if those on her Council decide to go behind her back. She does not know which nobles on the council are still loyal to her and which are working for Oberon. 

Oberon has left her alone so far because she is useful as a scapegoat for his bad behavior. The moment her use runs out, he will remove her. Without Lord Ethan there to back her up, she is unsure what she can do. She has allowed Oberon to do as he pleases for too long and must now do something. Spindle tells her to simply call Lord Ethan and his army back to the city, but doing so requires magic to send the message quickly enough. There are only three wizards in the palace capable of this magic: one has recently died under mysterious circumstances, one is loyal but old and may not have the strength, and the third is Elgar, the wizard the Duchess suspects to be the Spring Green Man.

Mona panics upon learning the Spring Green Man is in the palace. The Duchess assures her that her personal guards are loyal and will keep them safe. Still, they must speak to the old wizard, Master Gildaen, as he is the only one left who can send a message to Lord Ethan. To do so, the Duchess requests one of her guards bring page uniforms for the children to wear. The guard, Joshua, looks shocked but does as he is told. The second guard, Harold, remains at his post looking blank-faced. Joshua returns moments later, and the children change into the page uniforms. Then, the Duchess commands Joshua to escort them to Gildaen’s quarters.

Gildaen’s quarters are down a long hall where most of the magic work is done. They wake him and barge into his rooms, where the Duchess tells him what is happening. Though he is old, he promises to do whatever he can to help.

A short while later, Gildaen and Mona sit together in a tiny closet-sized room that Gildaen uses as a magic workroom. He explains that the room is too small for everyone to fit inside, so the others wait in his room while he works.

Gildaen’s magic works on water. He uses a special bowl of water to contact a wizard camped with Lord Ethan. Mona compares herself to him, saying she is weak and only works with bread, but Gildaen insists that wizards have worked with less. He says that this kind of magic is based on sympathy between two objects made at the same time: his bowl and the bowl at the other end were made at the same time, by the same hand, and with the same metal; the water also came from the same well. He says that Mona could possibly bake two things at once that could connect across distances in a similar way.

He finishes his magical lecture to send the message. He connects with a woman wizard on the other end and tells her that Elgar and Oberon are traitors, but before he can finish speaking, the Spring Green Man suddenly appears behind him and stabs him in the back.

Gildaen falls forward, dying. The Spring Green Man, Elgar, has a giant burn scar on his face, which he blames on Mona’s “damned acid-beast” (170), Bob. He reaches for her, and she screams. Then Gildaen, using the last of his strength, boils the water in his bowl and throws it at Elgar. At the same time, Spindle and Joshua arrive and hit Elgar over the head, knocking him unconscious. Mona turns to see that Gildaen is dead and realizes that she is the “last loyal wizard left in the palace” (172).